bekks.corner 6/7/26

A question that leaves me wandering is, what religion do I identify with?

Religion has always been a difficult thing to process and live by.

I say we but why?

We because FLDS does exist.

And I don't want people to get that mixed up.

But how do I identify as mormon, without being mormon?

It's not like I don't believe god doesn't exist.

Maybe god was on my side when I got into my accident.

Maybe it's always been there or maybe someone above was watching over me, but who?

I never met my grandma.

And maybe I do wish I had met her.

I'm not sure.

I know god exists and is by my side because why else would poppy be alive.

I prayed every night that he would survive and somehow he did.

I acknowledged that I don't pray very often, and the fact that I don't follow the teachings very well.

I had an amazing phone call with poppy today.

It almost made me cry.

I went to church when I needed something to help me.

Maybe i'm just a different kind of mormon.

And god knows that.

He knows that I still have strong beliefs in certain areas and i'm just not like everyone else.

Drink to be married not to be a drunk.

Tattoos can someone help me understand

why it's tied to the temple.

I don't think i'm a lost cause.

I think i'm a humble person.

Like I don't need to do something in order to check it off a list.

I think i'm in between jack morman and in active.

Things should be handled with care.

Mormonism is the closest and most kind hearted religion that I know.

It may be familiar, but I learned to reach out in my time of need, and it's helped.

Maybe i'm more in tune with it than I think I am.

September 8, 2024 I went to church for the first time in a while.

The smell of the building

The way every inch of that building was way too familiar.

The anxiety of not knowing anyone.

And most of all the pain I felt was unbearable.

September 13, 2024 i got that gut feeling to run.

My mind was telling me this is insane why didn't you do this sooner.

A week later, I moved back home and got the opportunity to speak with the sisters.

Saying what happened out loud was eerie.

And I know the time's overlapped.

Going to church that sunday then, packing up my whole life was more than coincidence.

So where do I stand?

I think you could be part of the church and not follow everything.

I think I am a mormon, but I want the distance so I can still be in control.

Control, control is the root of it.

The distance i want so I'll never be hurt again.

And i need to heal from the things I endured in my childhood.

But how.