bekks.corner 6/1/26

Don't have anything to write.

Flipping through playlists.

Maybe reminiscing.

The problems aren't big enough to write about yet.

But they still sit there.

What did therapy teach me?

Stay grounded with smells, textures, memories, and eye moment.

Fight or flight, going from calm and collective to within 2 hours, passed out.

Letters dont always have to be sent.

Are they going to all build up?

Am I going to be able to deal when that time comes?

Realizing the ADHD doesn't help.

And it's been happening longer then I've noticed.

Knowing I know i havent been okay.

Working through that.

But the ADHD plays a part bigger part in mental health then you think.

Maybe thats why I have such a hard time trying to process things.

Because my minds scrambled as is.

And then dissociation hits.

And now i can't recall what just happened to me and I have to write this down word from word.

And i have to ask a thousand questions as to what we're talking about and what was just said.

Confused and lost

Im focusing on my problem and processing it the way im suppose to.

And then all of a sudden it just stops.

And then im at war with myself because I know this is important.

Because I know this is healthy.

But I can't finish it.

It was horrible but it felt good when it was happening.

Love hate relationship

And hopefully that helps me through another day.

And then mom's calling and I need to attend to that and I'll never know when the next time will be.

I'll be okay, right?

Because I've began to choose me.

Ive become so self aware.

Ive come to understand what I need to do to get to the end.

But I lose sight of that in the middle.

And thats the agonizing part.