bekks.corner 5/26/26

What my problem?

I rush into relationships, think I find a nice guy and think it's meant to be.

Is that why boys are distraction?

Because I like to escape to lala land because he said my eyes were pretty and thats his favorite outfit.

Because he said to call him whenever I need something.

But do i?

No because I take care of everything on my own and when they've come and gone I still do it by myself.

I feel like im insane for this.

I did feel my feelings and I kept a line and I didn't cross it.

No.

Not until I was ready.

I learned that I move too fast and he did a number on me.

And now that im ready to move on and maybe a little too soon it almost feels like the cycle is repeating.

Although I knew this was a pervious problem.

I identified it and expressed my needs, and nothing seemed to be done.

Im only crazy when it comes to the fact of being so sad and so mad about not having effective communication or consistent communication.

No one's been able to do it but also doesn't leave me innocent because I choose to stay and let these people take my peace and let it destroy myself and them.

So yeah we're still broken in that department.

Im not mad at him im just scared.

Im fucking scared.

And do I know what to do in the moment? No I dont.

I think sudden change actual sudden change is what fucks me up.

But how do I - me myself and I deal with it.

I can't allow someone to fight for me so I can stop fighting myself.