sick sad surprise

103 degrees, tears in my eyes,

cant tell if it’s the fever or if it’s just my life.

been crying for days, stuck in this bed,

but you’re just pissed im not gone instead.

you say i should’ve fixed it by now,

like i could’ve crawled to the clinic and layed myself down.

as if i didn’t wake up choking on heat,

as if i didn’t fall just walking to pee.

fevers boiling my blood, can’t stand up,

sweating through sheets, choking on love.

you talk like it’s nothing, like im the mistake,

like im the fuck-up you can’t wait to escape.

what do you want from me?

im burning up, im breaking down,

i can’t make a choice when im stuck on the ground.

you say i should’ve done it by now,

but tell me—where the hell were you when I was drowning?

hands on my stomach, do i even exist?

or am i just a body you wish you could fix?

i fear im not wrong,

i don’t even know if wanna hold on.

no it’s not a fever dream—

just proof that i never belonged to me.

what do you want from me?

im burning up, im breaking apart,

dying in bed while you rip out my heart.

you say i should’ve done it by now,

like my body’s a crime, like i let you down.

you don’t get to tell me what to do,

you don’t get to be mad when im sick and bruised.

you don’t get to scream when i can’t even speak,

when i can’t even stand, when i can’t fucking breathe.

you love me when i disappear,

you love me when i say what you want to hear.

but im not your easy way out,

im not your fucking problem now.

so tell me, tell me, tell me—

what do you want from me?

im still sick, im still scared,

and you're still not here.

im over it

02/20/2025