spider-self

there’s a certain kind of loneliness that feels like weaving your own web — trapping yourself with every thread of fear, memory, regret.

spider-self was born on a night when i realized i was both the prey and the predator inside my own mind.

some webs aren't spun — they're stitched.

i slept in comfort laced in thread

a whisper wrapping ’round my head

i laughed it off, said i’m just fine

while it coiled slow down my spine

thread on my tongue, i bit down hard

it tasted like truth burned and charred

i tied each limb with silent screams

and told myself they were just dreams

i stitched denial into my skin

tight enough to feel like sin

but now the silk begins to squeeze

and the crawling thing inside is me

i want to claw out of my skin

burn the web i’m buried in

every breath’s a choking thread

pull me tighter, leave me dead

the spider sinks its teeth to feed

and eat the fear out of me

i did this to me

i scratched until the blood ran red

but all it did was paint the web

i shook, i begged, i made a sound

but no one hears you underground

it’s not a monster in the dark

it’s me with every selfmade mark

i am the legs that crawl and cling

i am the fang, the silken sting

i kiss the poison every night

tuck myself in venom tight

i spin, i scream, i let it be

the thing that’s killing me is me

i want to crawl out of my skin

set fire to the shape i’m in

rip the web from throat to bone

but i’m the trap, i wove alone

the spider smiles, it’s always been

the voice i buried deep within

i did this to me

strip me down to nothing left

etch regret across my chest

bury me beneath my threads

make me feel the shit i said

tie me down and call it grace

i wear the web like it’s my face

call it comfort, call it fate,

either way, it ends in hate

i want to crawl out of my skin

feel the purge begin again

dig the spider out from me

break the mirror, set it free

but every shard just shows the same

my voice. my face. my fucking name.

i did this to me

…the spider’s me.

im over it

04/14/2025

how many webs have you built without realizing it?

sometimes we don’t notice we’re stuck until we stop struggling long enough to see the silk wrapped around us.

🕸️🖤