five stages of empty

he doesn’t think youre worth the hardship

too many obstacles for one inconvenient

incompetent irrelevant unintelligent accident

youve been here before

with the same exact man

dont fucking stonewall

its not abandonment

he just couldn’t handle it

youre just stronger than him

you will be okay

lets get a move on already

you dont want to play

this cat and mouse game with him anyway

roll a dice for blame, pain, shame, and roll back again, today wasnt fun

you felt guilt, diminished, embarrassed, punished, demolished, banished…

that wasnt love

he also said a lot of unkind things,

you didnt hold him accountable

and you are kind of dumb

sitting silently screaming uncomfortable

already knowing the outcome

HOW EMBARRASSING

what the FUCK is wrong with YOU

why are you here

he wont change his mind

just a good thing to pipe

rewind like last time, denied

it was made up like last time

its okay

dont worry about him

he wasnt as understanding as youd want him to be anyway

he liked to yell

and hell youre good like fuack youre retardely good

he didnt even try to talk you out of the whole Emily thing you had to do it yourself

and look now because of him gratefully,

you have a therapist. hopefully next years time wont be as bad as this

he doesnt even deserve to hear whats on your mind lets be honest

lets say thank you

i think that would be healthy

nice okay now you can be done

see this is retarded why does he want me here

he just broke both our hearts

this

you just couldn’t leave yet,

surreal seeming under the blanket

spent how much on a different ticket

you know how to take it

yes leave his jacket

well now its okay to admit

youd like to hide in the closet

he couldn’t say he loved you

didn’t deem it healthy

he used the past tense of care

then proceeded to squeeze out air

wouldnt want to leave you two days before your birthday

itd be too much of a hassle to go and see you anyway

said none of this would of happened if you didn’t act bratty or roccos wasnt packing

guilt grows uncontrollably

it seems so easy for him

it doesnt take much for you to spin

out of control into devistation

dare dream decembers directon

temptation to move to his location

but you cant be his final destination

it will never matter.

you will never matter.

i will never matter.

im over it

10/11/2024