eating expectations

fear flows from within

the mind begins to spin

as i convince myself reasons to distance

my own incompetence is an influence

ignorance or lacking intelligence

spits a sentence of pure insolence

not aware that my existence is a nuisance

good intentions

but lacked direction

in conversation to situation,

ruined expectations

my consequences sits in silence

sideways while i internalize

all my lies i can’t help but criticize,

victimize and criminalize barely realize

fail to prioritize tried to rationalize

how you became paralyzed

but tried to keep everyone satisfied

wish you vocalized or i recognized apologized so you could of socialized &

optimized instead of disappeared.

good thing my dad cant say a word

because he liked to drink

like my mom who also can’t think

cuz an addict, hypocrite who creates conflict so its preferred

she stays ignored   

therefore you’re already cleared.

you’ll never have to feel that weird

parental pressure cuz mine are extinct

i often fail to think

before i speak

embarrassed and i retreat

to feed the fear

hate as i near

what i see inside the mirror

is this fear only fed from me?

most likely.

im trying to take responsibility

but can you help reassure me

so i dont totally feel hopelessly

empty mentally

because your about to be

too busy in new york city

do you even still want to see me?

you say you love me but do you really

yes, im sorry, im overthinking

fear flows without thinking

the doubt needs to start shrinking

or else its us youre rethinking

im over it

8/24/2024